I think I would still want to go to his pinning ceremony.

That thought scares me, like why do I want to do this? Very first feeling is that I’m just really proud of him and I wanna be there for him. I think this means more to him than he leads on. But then again, why do I always assume I know what he’s feeling? Clearly I don’t.

I’m afraid there might be manipulative motives behind this. What am I trying to prove here? What would this really do or change? Am I hoping this does or changes anything? Why do I want to do this?



Maybe it’s not that I wasn’t trustworthy enough.

Trust requires the other person to make the decision to give it to you

If it was ever a guarantee, we’d not even need trust to begin with, you’d just know

I am mourning what the relationship wasn’t.

And yet also what connection really was.

What if I am making a mistake here?

I wonder why I’m doubting myself

I deserve to be loved

And I don’t know if I really was

I think he loved me as much as he could

Oftentimes you think things are romantic that really aren’t



Samantha Seaton

Just a lady (she/her) who thought she knew what she was doing, only to find she hadn’t even scratched the surface.