I think I would still want to go to his pinning ceremony.

That thought scares me, like why do I want to do this? Very first feeling is that I’m just really proud of him and I wanna be there for him. I think this means more to him than he leads on. But then again, why do I always assume I know what he’s feeling? Clearly I don’t.

I’m afraid there might be manipulative motives behind this. What am I trying to prove here? What would this really do or change? Am I hoping this does or changes anything? Why do I want to do this?

Maybe it’s not that I wasn’t trustworthy enough.

Trust requires the other person to make the decision to give it to you

If it was ever a guarantee, we’d not even need trust to begin with, you’d just know

I am mourning what the relationship wasn’t.

And yet also what connection really was.

What if I am making a mistake here?

I wonder why I’m doubting myself

I deserve to be loved

And I don’t know if I really was

I think he loved me as much as he could

Oftentimes you think things are romantic that really aren’t

HELP.

I had a big thought while I was pooping earlier (romantic, I know).

And now I’m avoiding writing it down because I guess that makes it real? Plus I’m distracted, which honestly has been the case for me these last few weeks. I have been struggling, as much as…

My heart feels all congested lately.

Stopped up.

Gunky, like old crystallized honey. Like, still good and sweet I think, but just having a very hard time flowing.

I’m trying not to feel bad and guilty about it (it’s strange how guilty I feel about not being able to love…

I’m sick of feeling guilty about the boundaries I place with you.

I realize it’s my choice to feel this way. So I’m choosing to place stronger boundaries and embrace how empowering it feels.

I have a few more things I need to get rid of, but I feel very…

He just always tries to do whatever is the most right.

He’s so good. Definitely not perfect but that’s what makes him so good.

Despite all the “imperfections” there’s still that strong internal moral compass and a willingness to do good.

And like, that is such an important trait to…

ahhhhhhh

Facilitating breathwork is already becoming such a triggering and illuminating thing

I don’t know what to do here and I’m feeling the need to both assert my place but also allow and cooperate where is needed

I don’t like the feeling of not being allowed to do something, but…

I’m here. Right in the reality of my own creation.

I’m freaking out. I knew I would be. Recognizing it feels important and good. I feel myself falling into the idea of “how do I get out of this feeling” but I know better than that now. Time to just…

I’m ready to go.

I’m scared and nervous and bracing myself for impact, but I’m definitely ready for it. The self-doubt has been STRONG the last few days but I also know this is just something that has to be done. While yes there are things I need to be…

Change is so hard. Even if it’s of my own volition. Especially if it’s of my own volition. I knew this would come. And I’m sure I’m not done feeling everything yet.

I’m nervous about changing jobs. I’m nervous about making less money. I’m nervous about not being able to…

Samantha Seaton

Just a lady (she/her) who thought she knew what she was doing, only to find she hadn’t even scratched the surface.

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