I don’t like seeing this side of me. I don’t like being acquainted with my shadow. I know it’s there, and it always has been, but goddamn it’s so hard to look at. How am I supposed to look at these parts of me and just say “okay, I see you, and I love you”?

I try to hide you away and make sure no one else knows you exist.

But, they know. I like to think I have everyone fooled, but they all know.

And yet, the more I think about it, the more I think you are the one hiding yourself. The love part of me, the me I want to honor and show the world, wants to help you and learn more about you. I accept that you’re part of me, and you’re what makes me me. I don’t want you gone, but I do need to understand you in order to work with you.

I don’t know why I call you “you” and me “me” since we are one in the same. I suppose I should start this healing by calling this union “us”.

We will figure this out. And we will be okay.

Just a lady (she/her) who thought she knew what she was doing, only to find she hadn’t even scratched the surface.