Sometimes it’s exactly what I need, sometimes it’s the worst decision I could make.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what is “right” and “wrong” for me. I realize that this probably isn’t the most helpful mindset to have. I also believe that that answer changes over time. Do you ever do something knowing that its not a good idea, but for whatever reason you feel compelled to do it anyway, almost in an effort to teach yourself a lesson?

It’s fascinating how elastic my internal world tends to be. Just when I think I’ve got myself figured out, my thoughts and feelings change and while it is a bit frustrating, it’s also hilarious to me. Like I’m trying to outmaneuver myself. I feel like a walking, breathing contradiction sometimes and it’s been a fun practice of gentle self-love to be patient with myself through it.

I’m really looking forward to getting this astrology book tomorrow. I realize that it’s a little bit silly, but I do think there is some truth to the energy created by the positioning of celestial bodies having an affect on human beings. I mean, how is this any more or less probable than any other belief system out there? I know in my heart that we’re all connected in some unseen way, wouldn’t the largest physical bodies in our solar system have some sort of impact on that?

I enjoy getting my thoughts out like this in a private platform. There’s no concern with how it comes across, whether or not its organized or cohesive. Its really freeing to just let myself ramble and think and feel with no regard for anyone but myself. I worry so much about how I come across sometimes that it stifles me. I know this is a lifelong pattern that I’m destined to break, so doing exercises like this really helps move the energy through that. Maybe the more I practice this here, the more I can practice it out there.

I will say that I feel more rooted in myself now more than ever. It’s almost like before I didn’t have a strong sense of what I believed or what rang true for me. And that’s not to say that I have myself all figured out yet, that’s absolutely not the case. But there is so much I’ve learned about myself this year and its been so, so nice.

I’m ready to see what else I have in store for myself.

Just a lady (she/her) who thought she knew what she was doing, only to find she hadn’t even scratched the surface.