I’m sick of feeling guilty about the boundaries I place with you.
I realize it’s my choice to feel this way. So I’m choosing to place stronger boundaries and embrace how empowering it feels.
I have a few more things I need to get rid of, but I feel very good about the energetic cords I’ve cut thus far. It’s strange that it’s taken me this long to get to this point. I don’t believe I was holding onto anything for my own benefit. I guess I was doing it to protect you. Which makes no sense and is not healthy.
I feel so much lighter. I can’t believe how much that was weighing me down. Who knows what those cords were doing while I wasn’t paying them much attention.
I don’t want to talk bad about you. I honestly don’t want to talk about you at all. To put whatever we had to rest is the only thing I want. I don’t wish to continue to have a relationship of any sort with you. And it’s nothing personal! I’m just not interested in continuing a friendship. No ill feelings or harm either way, just severance.
God I feel like I can take a huge breath right now. Part of me wonders what the fallout from these actions will be, but I feel confident in whatever it is I’m doing. It’s weird how pervasive this guilt feels. Why do I feel like I owe this person anything? I don’t remember feeling this way about Zach, but then again I don’t really remember Zach trying to make me feel guilty about anything, if anything it was the other way around. Was Will really that manipulative? Am I just creating a story? Maybe a little of both?
I guess I never had an “official” severance of the most basic form of the relationship. The last time I spoke to him in person he tried to “surprise” me at the Cave and stormed out when I told him I wasn’t interested in being his friend. So, actually, now that I say it out loud, there was an official severance. So I actually feel even more justified in my decision to remove him from all social media. I wonder why I didn’t do that before? I guess I didn’t want any form of “consequence”.
I hate that he still has a key to my house. I’m honestly thinking about changing the locks again because of it. Not that I think he’d do anything, but I guess it’s just the symbolism? Who knows if he still has the key I gave him?
It’s all a process. No need to pressure myself to do more right now. I’m happy with what I’ve done today. I guess I’m still a little wigged out that there was still some sort of connection there, but like, I shouldn’t be surprised.
The last thing I would want to tell Will? I don’t want any part of this anymore. I don’t get anything out of this relationship that feels worth it or authentic. Looking back, it seems like the majority of our relationship was really self-serving on both of our parts. I honestly don’t believe it was one based on true love for one another, mainly just one showing us how to love ourselves. And you know, for that I’m grateful. It was exactly what I needed at that time, just as I believe it was for you. All that love that you felt that you thought was from me? I honestly believe that it was all from you, and I was just a mirror for that. I truly hope one day you see that and can take all that good from whatever it was we had. This was a great lesson in learning how to choose what was TRULY best for ME. And I feel grateful that I had that opportunity. I hope you see as much value in this connection as I did, and that it helped you become a better person like it did me. And, thank you.