ahhhhhhh

Facilitating breathwork is already becoming such a triggering and illuminating thing

I don’t know what to do here and I’m feeling the need to both assert my place but also allow and cooperate where is needed

I don’t like the feeling of not being allowed to do something, but I think here I’m creating that scenario in my head

I have this fear that if I don’t make myself valuable and available, then I won’t be wanted or seen as a resource or authority. Like I have to prove myself?

I feel anxious and worried that Sarah is going to think I’m trying to take control over something I don’t necessarily have the right to. But at the same time, is this taking control? Or are we collaborating? I don’t want to overstep my bounds with Sarah but I also want to make sure Brooke gets taken care of.

I make decisions based in fear which feels bad. Like I’m protecting myself?

And maybe I’m completely overthinking this? Like I want to make sure someone is heard and seen in this process and don’t want to leave them hanging.

There’s a lot going on here and I need to examine and evaluate before this goes off the tracks. I trust Sarah wholly.

I’m trying to find my place here and it feels messy. But that’s also completely okay because I’m here to learn and work on myself too. and I have Sarah to help me with that. She’s such a good resource. Which is also why I don’t want to damage our relationship (but okay do you really think something like this would damage our relationship? are you just being super sensitive? Scared to piss off mom if you do the “wrong” thing? Maybe that’s what’s really going on here. I feel like I have to deny my instinct to appease someone else, when that’s not really necessary. I do wish I would have waited to say something back to Brooke before hearing back from Sarah, it was almost like I made that decision for us. But she can also make her own decisions. I think I am definitely overthinking this. Either way, it’s totally fine. I’m here to learn and get better and feel much more confident in doing this work. I want to be better, all the time. feel like I belong here.

Just a lady (she/her) who thought she knew what she was doing, only to find she hadn’t even scratched the surface.