Watch out
You might get what you’re after.
Burning Down the House is the banger I have been LOOKING for. This Tom Jones/Cardigans cover is absolutely everything. I can’t wait to use this in the breath.
I just want to verbally honor all the work I’ve been doing. I have a long way to go (for the rest of my life) but I’m trying to take time to take a step back and appreciate the process. It feels like the best way to approach everything I’m doing, even when it feels like I’m starting to spiral out of control or come into contact with a part about myself that’s super fucking uncomfortable.
I’m still shell-shocked by Nick’s painfully accurate read around our power dynamic. I can’t believe I didn’t see that — I mean it was literally showcased in Claire and Kaiser the first time we had a puppy date. There’s a battle for dominance here that admittedly sounds kind of fun, like what a way to keep things interesting if we’re both willing enough to have some humility around it (I’m projecting, he very well might have humility around this. I know for sure that I need my ego checked every now and then). I find myself getting off track around this, like thinking far into the future and basically coming up with a plan for escape or protection. It’s fascinating to see how much of my romantic life is based around fear. No wonder why it hasn’t been fulfilling.
I will say, it feels incredibly good to be seen. I’m really intrigued by how perceptive he is. There’s a familiarity here, like we have similar wounds.
I want to keep reminding myself to not get caught up in my own thoughts too much. I’m so happy I’m still doing the breath and satsang with our breathwork community — I’m debating on staying with it even after I’m finished with my facilitator training. All I know is that I want to continue to stay involved.
Oh my god so many fucking things have happened this morning what is going on??? Our Cave call this morning had something uncomfortable happen but also a big learning moment and opportunity for all of us to become closer which was an emotional ride. Then Moe cancels on me yet again for our breath, which led me to post to the facilitators’ page and get some clarity on what’s going on here energetically.
I feel overwhelmed by everything happening right now. I have deadlines to meet and people to connect with and information to organize and send out and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and in the pit of my stomach. I feel myself wanting to avoid what’s going on but I know that doesn’t solve anything so I’m just going to be here and feel the mania and try not to identify with it. In the grand scheme of things, all of this is small potatoes, but right now this threat feels very real and I feel the self-doubt creeping in. I think this is the emotional moment. I’m in a freeze state, like I need to sit still and sort things out before moving forward, but sometimes sitting still just means I recycle the same thoughts and feelings in my head over and over and over again. Maybe I should just try doing and trusting that I’ll be okay in the process, even if I fuck up. I have more power than I realize at times. I can take care of myself. I am okay and I will be okay.
Lol I just called a person I was hesitant to call in case of there being some sort of conflict, we actually ended up having a lovely conversation and I was able to help her. What a lovely representation of how the mind loves to tell stories that just aren’t true.
I find myself getting excited about the momentum I’m in, feeling like I’m unstoppable, which means when I hit a road block it hits harder. It’s kind of like riding a horse. The faster I go and the more momentum I gain, the harder it is for me to regain balance if something spooks the horse, or it decides to jump, or suddenly gets a mind of its own and starts going its own way. Much like riding horses, I gotta remember to not lose my mind in the drama or the fear and be mindful of little bumps in the road. It’s all about resiliency!
