Hello why is this question so hard to answer

I feel like the answer to this question changes so often too

What would make me happy? What am I hoping to get out of my life? What do I want from others?

I have never sat down and really thought about what I actually want in a relationship. I guess I’ve always just sought after whatever everyone else has sought after? Is this a normal thing people do? Think about what they’re actually looking for in a relationship? And I’m not just talking about like qualities of a person, but like the life they want to live with this person too. It’s weird because I feel like I don’t totally know what kind of life I want to live myself. I still feel like I’m figuring it out. Just when I think I know what I want, I find something else that’s of interest. Maybe variety and also freedom are very important things for me in a relationship. Autonomy. Space to do the things I want, but also security from that person to know our bond is still tight. Honesty and communication. Humility and an ability to admit when we’re wrong. I want to have FUN with this person. I don’t want to have to spend a lot of time reassuring them, they should be secure and ask for what they need when they need it. I want to grow with this person, and see our relationship as a way to keep working on myself and getting better. I want to be seen and heard and loved for who I am. I want to feel comfortable enough to really BE around this person. I want to learn from them. I want them to be able to check me when I start acting silly or getting in my head. I want them to be consistent and I want to be able to depend on them. I want the same sense of humor and the desire to try to bring joy into each other’s lives. I want someone to go out and do and experience things with, but I also want someone who is comfortable telling me what they are and aren’t okay or comfortable with. I can trust that they’ll make the right decisions for themselves and won’t resent me. Someone I can trust and respect. Someone who wants to listen to me and is interested in what I have to say, and vice versa. I want someone I can love as fully and as hard as I possibly can. I want someone who loves themselves and tries to make decisions for themselves that align best with who they are. I want someone supportive and kind and understanding and grounded.

Just a lady (she/her) who thought she knew what she was doing, only to find she hadn’t even scratched the surface.